Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
