Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
