I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
