did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
