Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
