It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
