he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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