my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
