According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
