I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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