This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
