eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
