OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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