That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
