He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
