Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
