I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
