The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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