remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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