i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
