Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
