A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
