wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
