i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Randomize
