Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
