he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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