we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
