Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
