I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
