there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
