I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
