Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
