I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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