She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
