My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
her vagine was all disorganized.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
