Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
