Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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