Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Randomize
