Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
