So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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