so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
