Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
