my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
