The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
