Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I puked a lego.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
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