her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
