I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Randomize
