Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
