Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
