My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
