...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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