U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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