Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
