I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
