Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
