worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
