You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Mom said you looked used
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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