I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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