you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
