YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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